I'm sorry
by Otakualfred
Summary: Alfred just couldn't live without the other in his life. The one who listened to him, and the one who gave his life meaning to live. But when Alfred hears some disturbing news all of his fears of dying just fall apart. Oneshot TW: Suicide, death, drug mention, etc.


**WARNING: Suicide, drug reference, and death are in this.**

Alfred couldn't take it anymore, all that he lived for was suddenly gone. He could feel his heart beat fast in his chest and cursed as tears continually stained his cheeks. He had a friend he loved to talk to even when he messed things up, they would find a way to mend their relationship; That was true friendship. His friends name was Matthew Williams and he was the greatest friend Alfred could have ever hoped for. He told Matthew he had often thought of suicide but was always afraid to go through with it but today all that worry seemed to be pushed away. His heart was wanting to tear out and his breathing was court making his body cringed into a fetal position. "why..." He whispered to himself, not liking the way his body coiled on its own. He'd had panic attacks in the past but even then he had never felt this much pain.

That day had started off like any other with him waking up around 6 am to shower and get dressed for school. He grabbed a quick snack from the kitchen and quickly went out to make him way toward the school which was only half a mile away. Matthew use to stand near the gate to greet him but he wasn't there making Alfred's heart-throb unpleasantly since they always meet there. He let the matter slide as he walked into the schools interiors with a grumble. He ever did like going inside alone since it made him an easy target for the other kids to mock him with saying things like, 'Where's your boyfriend' for example. But strangely enough, every time one of the people who would bully him looked at Alfred they would automatically look away. An unnerving feeling coursed through his veins at this and quickly stuffed his backpack in his locker so he could look for his friend.

"Alfred Jones?" Alfred turned to look behind him to see who asked him to see it was the principle of the school. "Y-yeah." He simply replied before looking at the ground from embarrassment since he hated talking to anyone other than Matthew.

"Please come with me." He said, gesturing to his office, before walking to the doors. Alfred nodded and held his stomach to keep calm since all of this was making him feel a bit sick. He walked in and sat in one of the seats with his eyes scanning the room. It was a normal room with few motivation pictures and a normal desk with papers and pens with a plank that had 'Mr. Honda.' Alfred swallowed thickly as he rubbed his palms on his jeans feeling like the temperature went up in the room and that he shouldn't have worn the red hoodie he had on.

"I called you in here for some important news. We called your father to talk to him first and he agreed that us telling you would be the best way to go since he had work and because we have a counselor here if you need to talk to here." His breath caught in his throat. What was so bad that he had to be in there talking with the principle? He was a good kid with average grades. Unless Matthew told them about his depression and anxiety. That would explain some of what was hap-

"You're friend Matthew passed away last night." Honda suddenly said making Alfred's thoughts stop abruptly as well as his breath. "W-what did you say?" He asked again not believing what the man or trying to deny what he said to all be a big misunderstanding. Honda sighed as he straighten his tie that seemed to getting to tight around his throat.

"Around 8 pm at night it appeared that Matthew went to bed and awoke from a nightmare causing his to have an asthma attack. He then found that his inhaler was empty and so he woke his father for them to go to the emergency room but his lungs gave out and he passed away. I'm sorry." He finished, passing a box of tissues in Alfred's direction, just in case he started to cry but instead Alfred just sat in the seat looking at his feet.

'So.. My only friend.. Is.. Gone...?' He thought slowly as he felt the world around him disperse into thin air. He stood up and walked out of the room quietly, hearing the principles words only vaguely as he continued to walk, he walked all the way outside and here he was back at home on his bed in the the light that shone through his window.

"Matthew I need you!" He screamed loudly before he started hitting at his mattress in a rage as choked sobs escaped his throat. He was alone, all alone, with no one else who cared about him or to comfort him. Alfred let the thoughts circle in his mind before he stopped everything again. He got up and shuffled through his things to look for a pen and paper to write on.

'Dear Matthew,' He began with a small smile that forced its way onto his face even though he felt as if he were dying.

'I miss you a lot but don't worry I may stop and visit you for a bit. I guess you didn't know this but I just can't live without you. The bad thing is I may not be able to see you since of the things I'm about to do. You were so sweet and innocent god probably set you out a table but me I guess I'll be going to another place. I hope that I get to see you though, I really do. I love you Matt.'

At the end he was sobbing uncontrollably again as he sat the paper on his nightstand to make sure that if Matthew's spirit was around he would be able to read it at least once. He sighed and went over to his dresser to pull it open to the point it almost fell into the floor. Alfred started to pull the under clothes out to look for the special bottle he kept in there filled with pills he had stolen over the years in case of an emergency. He sighed as he felt the familiar feeling of the cold plastic against his finger tips before pulling it out with small smile. It had a random name of who it was prescribed to and 'Amidone' beside it. He twisted it open and gave his trashed room one last look before tilting his head back to let the pills go down, making him cough and gag at the raw feeling of taken them without anything to drink.

He threw the bottle at the wall and sat down looking at his clock beside his bed table. He didn't feel any different at all but waited a bit more. Alfred started to curse believing he had stolen some vitamins or sugar pills until he couldn't swear anymore because his eyes started to feel heavy. He felt his body begin to go into a sleep without anything and a smile forced on his face happily.

"I'm... Sorry.. Mat-..."


End file.
